An Honor?

Shepard walked down the stairs leading to the lower deck rubbing at her temples in an attempt to alleviate the pulsing headache that seemed to be a hallmark of so many of her conversations with Ambassador Udina. With her eyes half-closed and not paying particular attention to her surroundings, she collided with another body coming up from the opposite direction.

She felt herself stumble and would have fallen quite gracelessly down the stairs if not for a pair of strong hands that shot out and grasped her by the arms, steadying her.

So much for my great sense of balance, she thought wryly. Mother would be disappointed right now seeing all those credits for dance and movement classes going to waste.

"Commander, are you alright?" a voice said, breaking in upon her thoughts.

Shepard became acutely aware of the hands still holding her and of the closeness of a distinctly male body. Involuntarily, warm tingles began spreading out throughout the surface of her skin making her flush.

For all of their talks and subtle flirting, she rarely had the opportunity to be so close to Kaidan outside of the battlefield. They both recognized the obstacles, not including broken regulations, that would be present in a relationship between them and so by unspoken consent had kept physical contact to a minimum to avoid temptation.

As if catching a hint of her thoughts, Kaidan had also become aware of  the proximity of their bodies. She felt, more than heard, the smallest of sighs from him before he gently removed his hands and moved down a step in order to give them some much needed space.

If only this mission would be over, maybe then... came wearily to her mind.

"I'm alright. I just came back from a meeting with the Ambassador..." she trailed off.

"That bad, huh?"

"Surprisingly no," she answered with a small laugh. "I think this was the first time he didn't berate me for one thing or another. Still, that doesn't make conversation with him any easier."

No wonder that the galactic community considers humans spoiled and pushy when looking at him, Shepard silently added to herself.  Although most of the crew shared her opinion of Udina, she tried hard not to criticize him openly. Matters with the council were difficult as it were and she wanted to present some kind of unified front.

"I, um, have a break right now," Kaidan ventured, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "We could go down to the mess and talk about it over some coffee."

"You always know how to cheer a girl up, Alenko," she replied eyes twinkling. "I wanted to talk to you about the meeting anyway."

She watched him give a little start before turning to head towards the mess. This was the first time that she was seeking him out to privately discuss Citadel issues.

--

Sitting down at one end of the long mess hall table, Shepard watched as Kaidan prepared two mugs of coffee. She smiled as she realized that they had done this same kind of thing enough times in the past that it seemed like a comfortable routine.

Kaidan set a steaming mug in front of her while sliding into the opposite seat and now looked at her with curiosity.

"So what's the big secret?"

Now that she was faced with the reality of having to talk about the meeting with him, she suddenly grew shy.

Kaidan continued looking at her patiently, if somewhat askew. He certainly wasn't used to his commanding officer hesitating, at a loss for words.

"Shepard?"

The silence was definitely becoming awkward.

Oh, for the love of... You aren't some gawky adolescent anymore. Just spit it out.

Taking a deep breath, pushing her chin length red hair behind her ears, looking straight into his eyes she blurted out-

"Kaidan, will you be my date tonight?"

She watched as his whole body went still and a blank look descended upon his face. Even the two crew members sitting at the other end of the table had stopped talking and were staring in her direction.

One scowl and a nod of the head from the Commander was enough to send them off to another part of the ship.

Shepard turned her attention back to the lieutenant and watched him visibly swallow before saying, "I'm not sure I understand. Maybe you could start at the beginning?"

"Yeah, okay. That did come out sounding a bit strange," all the while thinking, Yet again we can see the result of credits well spent on speech and elocution classes.

"The Ambassador called us back to the Citadel because he wanted to talk to me about Feros. It appears that ExoGeni is very pleased by our handling of the situation with the colony and the subsequent influx of investors."

"You mean your handling of Jeong, right?" Kaidan interrupted. "The rest of us just stood around with our mouths hanging open. If I ever get a speeding ticket I want you to be my advocate," he finished with a grin.

She returned his grin relieved that the awkwardness had seemed to pass, and continued on.

"So the Senior Vice President of ExoGeni Colonial Affairs decided that some sort of celebration or what not is in order and has organized a dinner banquet tonight," she paused, "with me as guest of honor," finishing with a slight cringe.

A flicker of comprehension showed in Kaidan's eyes before saying, "Well, that's good isn't it? You deserve recognition for your hard work."

"I have enough of recognition," she grumbled testily. "All I really want is to stop Saren and finish this mission without all of these interruptions. I won't turn down anyone who needs help, but this dinner banquet is certainly not one of those cases."

"I know what you mean, Shepard. It does seem to be getting a little ridiculous - all of these interruptions, distractions, when the real threat has free reign in the galaxy. Ambassador Udina, of all people, should know that."

For a few moments they just sat there, each lost in their thoughts. It was a comfortable silence. Just one of the many reasons why she valued Kaidan so much. There never seemed to be a void that needed to be filled.

"So... um... going back to your previous question..." he began nervously, again rubbing the back of his neck.

With something akin to butterflies in her stomach she proceeded to explain the situation.

"The Ambassador informed me that while he couldn't order me to go, my absence at the banquet would have several unpleasant consequences."

Kaidan nodded slightly, waiting for her to go on.

"Let's see, he said something on the order of 'As the first Human Spectre you have a responsibility to represent not only Humans, but also Spectres, in the best possible light-' and so on.  I kind of tuned out the rest."

"In short, what he was really telling me was that he expected me to be there, grateful for the honor, smile plastered on my face and, of course, a date in tow," she said, looking at him sheepishly.

Now it was Kaidan's turn to be silent and she was becoming nervous again.

It was funny how she could handle belligerent people and furious enemies alike without hesitation, but when it came to her lieutenant, she became emotionally unstable. She was in command of herself enough to control her emotions so that their missions would not suffer, but... this was not the mission. And so her emotions ran amok.

Pulling together the vestiges of her scattered nerves she broke the silence.

"Look Kaidan, this isn't a big deal," she began, her slightly shaky voice belying her words. "I won't be upset or offended if you say no. Like you said before, we don't have a lot of down time these days and I know that spending an evening listening to a bunch of pompous executives and politicians make small talk is way down on my list of fun things to do."

She was hoping that maybe this would ease the growing tension by giving him the way out that she knew he needed. He had already several times explained to her the importance of that.

In a softer tone of voice she said, "It's just that I really like spending time with you and I figured that if anyone could make this fiasco bearable, it would be you."

He looked at her a moment longer before breaking into a wide grin. "Commander Shepard, it would be my honor to be your date tonight," he said with mock seriousness. "You just took me by surprise, that's all. I mean it's kind of hard to believe that you would want me by your side at a function like that."

"What do you mean?" she asked, somewhat perturbed.

"C'mon Shepard, I've seen the way people look at you and the admirers you have. You could have taken your pick. And I'm not just talking about humans either," he added, somewhat jealously.

"What...? who..." confusion apparent in her voice.

"Never mind," he relented, shaking his head as if to clear it. "It doesn't matter. I'm flattered that you asked me. So what time should I pick you up?"

"A transport car should be waiting in front of the Alliance's residential complex at 2100 hours so I suggest we meet a few minutes earlier in the lobby," she answered, deciding that now was not the best time to pursue his previous statement.

"I'll be waiting then," he said standing up with a goofy smile on his face. He picked up their completely forgotten and untouched mugs of coffee and moved to place them in the dish receptacle.

"And, uh, Commander, don't you have an announcement to make?"

Shepard stared at him in utter incomprehension. Announcement? What... about us?! Then it dawned on her and she broke into her own goofy grin. She would most certainly have a mutiny on her hands if she neglected to announce shore leave for the crew of the Normandy.

--

Not for the first time was Shepard thankful for her apartment in the Alliance's residential complex, her thoughts wandering as she stepped into the elevator that would take her to the lobby. Well maybe apartment is too generous. Let's say largish storeroom, she amended. Nonetheless, her rank was not sufficiently high enough to have even been put on the waiting list under normal circumstances.

By some quirk of fate, Alliance officials had decided that it would look good - And probably wanting to monitor my activities - if they offered the first Human Spectre living space in the building.

Naturally she had jumped at the opportunity. Of course the Alliance had their own barracks on the Citadel, but at times the need to get away from her crew was overwhelming. Earlier today being a case in point.

Her announcement of shore leave had barely finished before she began hearing the whoops and cheers of the crew. With a smile she turned to leave the cockpit, but before she could take two steps Joker's voice stopped her.

"Hot date with Alenko tonight, Commander?" came the teasing drawl.

"Are you spying on us, Joker?" came the reply, more than a little annoyed.

"No ma'am. Word just travels fast around here."

Damn it. She had forgotten about the two crew members she had chased from the mess. Of course word travels fast. The Normandy had a small crew, about thirty, and everyone usually knew what was going on with whom.

That doesn't mean Joker wasn't listening in though. Once or twice she thought that she had caught him listening in on other crew, but since he didn't spread tales, she wasn't concerned about it. It was harmless enough and everyone needed a way to cope with being on board a ship for long periods of time.

"So... is it?" he probed.

"Joker, you're such an ass," she laughed relenting. "No one is as blunt as you."

"Yeah, well, except for Williams or Wrex maybe. But that still doesn't answer the question ma'am."

"I am thoroughly convinced that you have all of the information you would ever need, Joker.  But to answer your question, no, it's not a hot date. I have been invited to a dinner banquet and I asked the lieutenant to be my escort."

She saw him opening his mouth and cut him off before he could say anything. "That's the official story. End of questions."

"Okay Commander," he smirked. "Have fun anyway."

And with that she had gathered up her things from the Normandy and fled to her apartment as soon as decently possible.

Before anyone else could ask questions.

Poor Kaidan. I wonder how much teasing he had to put up with? He was good natured enough to take it all in stride, but even so, it must have sorely irritated him.

--

Crossing the lobby of the complex, Shepard was only dimly aware of the curious looks people were giving her.  For a few weeks now her face had been all over the news vids and consequently had become recognizable. She had become used to being stared at. It didn't even cross her mind that, maybe, the fact that she was wearing evening clothes and not her uniform, would cause many to give her a second look.

Not that she would have noticed anything anyway. Almost from the moment that the elevator doors had opened, her attention had been drawn to one thing. Well, to one person in particular.

For all her years in the Alliance, she had never seen someone look so striking in Mess Dress. It was pleasantly surprising to see him in military evening clothes, since the dinner banquet was officially a non Alliance affair. She admitted to herself that she was no doubt biased when it came to Kaidan, but at least now she could begin to understand the attraction women had to men in uniform.

Drawing closer she could discern those small details in his dress that impressed her so. Naturally, every marine took pride in their uniform, but Kaidan truly did stand out. The razor sharp creases in his trousers and the mirror like shine in his shoes. The pristine white gloves and even his cape that was casually thrown back over one shoulder to reveal the rich scarlet lining.

For his part, Kaidan had yet to notice her. Although apparently, Gunnery Chief Williams, standing next to him, had already done so and was in the process of nudging the lieutenant with her elbow.  

As Kaidan's head turned towards her, she could feel herself break out into a brilliant smile. She was still too far away to hear his sharp intake of breath, but she watched as his eyes grew round and a blush slowly crept up his neck and face.

"Skipper, you look hot!" Williams said giving out a low whistle as Shepard walked up to the pair. "You're going to have to beat them off with a stick tonight."

"Evening Kaidan, Williams."

Kaidan did not say a word, just nodded. He continued looked at her with a strange expression.

Turning to the chief, Shepard said, "I didn't expect to see you here, Ash."

"It isn't everyday that someone you know is invited to some swanky party on the Presidium and I figured it might be fun to see you off."

"Plus," she added sheepishly, "I wanted to see your dress. I know it's really girly, but my sisters and I used to love watching each other getting ready for our high school formal dances and I thought this would kind of be the same."

"But, wow, where did you get that dress?"

The dress in question was a floor length, halter top creation that hugged Shepard's every curve. It was made of a silvery gossamer material delicately shot through with strands of purple that nearly matched her eyes. Here and there silver and crystal beads could be seen sparkling in the light. The overall effect was mesmerizing, if Kaidan's dazed look was any indication.

Laughingly, Shepard gave a twirl for Ash's inspection and said, "Would you believe that my mother sent me this dress? As soon as I made Spectre, she sent it to my apartment with a note saying that she was sure it would be needed. I didn't think she would be right, but here I am."

"Yeah, moms have a way of being right. I know mine was, way more often than I wanted her to be," Williams acknowledged with a sigh.

Throughout her conversation with Ashley, Kaidan had stayed silent, not moving from his place. His continuous gaping at her reminded Shepard of the nature holo-vids she had watched that showed a deer caught in the headlights of an antique car.

Finally it seemed that he himself became aware of his muteness. He swiped a hand across his face, as if to wake himself up and said, "Um..., Commander? I believe that the transport car is here. We should probably go. We don't want to be late." And with that he held out his arm to her.

"Whoa, LT, what a gentleman you are," Williams exclaimed turning to him. "You know, you better keep an eye on the Skipper and make sure no one puts the moves on her."

In an effort to save him, Shepard linked her arm through Kaidan';s and began steering him towards the exit. "Well, I guess it's time to go make nice to a bunch of people no sane person would want to spend time with. I hope that, at least, this will help out Zhu's Hope."

"Better you than me, ma'am. I'm not one for small talk and I sure as hell would end up seriously insulting someone," Ashley said giving them a wave goodbye.

"Try to have some fun. I know I won't be waiting up," she added with a wicked grin. "And LT, lighten up a bit. You look like you're going to a funeral."

--

No kidding, Shepard said to herself as she and Kaidan settled into the transport. He really does look anxious. Time to find out what's going on. Mentally sighing she added, Why can't anything be easy?

"Kaidan," she began in a soft voice, waiting for him to turn towards her. "You feel like telling me what's bothering you? You seem to be... upset? I mean a girl could take your silence the wrong way," she added trying to lighten the mood.

Chewing his lip, obviously unsure as what to say, he answered, "Sorry Shepard. I'm not... upset. And it's not you," and turned away again.

Well, that really helped me out.

"So why don't you tell me what's going on then," she prompted, hoping that she didn't sound as waspish as she was beginning to feel. Thoughts of their mission and her own emotional conflicts never truly left her mind, but she had hoped to be able to at least stifle them for a time tonight. Kaidan's odd behavior was not making it easy.

She could sense an internal struggle within him as he contemplated the answer he would give her. Apparently he must have reached some sort of conclusion, for he gave a small nod of the head and once again turned towards her. Only this time, his face had cleared and he had a smile on his face.

"It's nothing really. I.. I was overwhelmed there for a minute. You really do look beautiful and I got.. tongue-tied," he answered with an embarrassed laugh. "Never mind that the chief can sometimes make it difficult to get a word in edgewise."

For a split second Shepard considered not accepting his explanation. Quite clearly there was something more that he wasn't saying. Unfortunately, this was neither the time or place for a more in depth discussion. And so yet again we'll skirt around our thoughts and feelings. I just hope that we'll have the chance to clarify issues. Before it's too late.

"Thank you for the compliment, Kaidan. I have to admit that you look quite dashing yourself. Ashley really should have warned me to keep an eye on you. All of those women won't be able to keep their hands off of you," she teased with a grin, watching a blush spread across his cheeks.

Further comment was interrupted by the abrupt stop of their transport, apparently theirs being one of many, waiting to discharge passengers. Looking out the window, Shepard was not thrilled by the scene outside.

The banquet was being held in one of the few exclusive private parks scattered around the Presidium Ring. The ornate fencing surrounding the park made it difficult to see more than the most cursory of details. Not that it would have been possible to see much through the throng of people milling about.

Shepard was uncomfortably reminded of the vids she watched as a kid about movie premiers and society functions in the 20th century.

One by one, transports drew up to the entrance and their illustrious passengers exited by stepping onto a red carpet cordoned off by a... Was that a velvet rope?

The reporters and celebrity watchers crowding in on either side would then jostle each other, vainly trying to position their camera drones at the best possible angle in order to capture the picture. Meanwhile, the objects of attention leisurely strolled down the carpet smiling and waving.  

Kaidan must have caught her sense of aggravation. He gave her a reassuring smile and said, "We've faced groups of geth before and this can't be that much worse."

"Yeah, but at least I could shoot the geth," she grumbled as Kaidan chuckled. "Damn it! I'm a Marine, not some smiling doll."

"You're also the first human Spectre," he reminded her. Hmph. As if I need reminding.

"Besides," he continued, ignoring the look she was giving him, "I thought that you went through a similar sort of thing after receiving the Star of Terra?"

His words brought up painful images and sounds of involving Elysium.
"I was still shell-shocked at the ceremony," she explained in a flat voice. "Everything happened so quickly. I didn't pay much attention to what was going on around me."

"It was only later that I started thinking of it as a bad cosmic joke," she said bitterness creeping into her voice. "I get a medal for saving the city, but I couldn't save the lives in the city."

She drew in a shaky breath, willing herself to push aside the memories. "I was too inexperienced at the time. I was working on instinct."

"I'm sorry for bringing it up," Kaidan said, clearly upset at her reaction. "I didn't know that-"

"No, it's alright," Shepard interrupted, feeling guilty and out of sorts by her reaction. "It's not your fault. Besides, how were you to know?"

Forcing her voice to steady she said, "I'm just terribly glad that this time, on Feros, the colonists were saved. It helped put some of those memories to rest."

"You're good at what you do, Commander. And you can't beat yourself up over Elysium. You did what you could, that's all any of us really can do."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Lieutenant," she countered, warmed by the bashful admiration in his voice. She could almost see him swell with pride and a bit of embarrassment at her words. He really deserves to put Jump Zero behind him. I wish he could see that what happened out there served to make a better man out of him.  

"Please exit the vehicle," a mechanical voice rang out, startling her. Caught up in her thoughts, she had momentarily forgotten where she was. Sometimes Kaidan distracts me more than he should. Although... that's not necessarily a bad thing...

Shepard watched Kaidan exit the transport and come around to her side. Her door slid open and he offered her his hand, giving her a reassuring smile. She took his hand, composing herself into the public’s image of a Spectre. The intervening years since that fateful shore leave had taught her that the average person didn't want to know what lay under the surface of their so called 'heroes'.

--

Shepard was unprepared for the sight that greeted her as she looked around waiting for the spots from the camera lights to fade from her eyes. Beginning to take in her surroundings, a delighted grin spread across her features.

As with many of the prestigious events held on the Presidium Ring, the timing of the banquet coincided with the artificial ‘night’ hours on the Citadel. The general consensus being that this lent the events a certain air of elegance.
The entrance through which she and Kaidan had entered opened up into a small clearing, lit by dozens of tiny hanging lights, in the midst of what appeared to be a tropical jungle. All around the clearing were lush palms in varying sizes that were blooming with a veritable rainbow of flowers. To add to the exotic appearance, small lanterns had been placed at various heights, to highlight some of the more glamorous blooms.

Looking ahead she discerned several paths, seemingly heading in different directions, leading deeper into the park. After a closer look, it appeared that the paths converged on a second, much larger clearing that had water shimmering at it's edge. After a moment, she became aware of music playing faintly in the background.

This place is incredible. Shepard turned toward Kaidan watching as he gave a smile that mirrored her own. She felt a burst of giddiness and thought that maybe this evening would turn out to be far more pleasant than expected.

Linking her arm through Kaidan's, she said, "Let's go and see what else we can find," vaguely indicating the second clearing. "I thought that I saw lights reflecting on water and-"

"Shepard, I am glad that you have finally arrived, albeit later than expected," a voice interrupted her. "Do you think it was wise in bringing your lieutenant as your escort?" Ambassador Udina continued by way of greeting. "It may send the wrong message to certain parts of the community."

"And a good evening to you, Ambassador," answered Shepard coolly, her earlier mood now deflated by his arrival. Kaidan simply nodded in the Ambassador's direction. Only Shepard noticed the rising anger in his eyes. She gave his arm a brief squeeze before turning her attention back to Udina.

In the same cool voice, she said, "I sincerely doubt that anyone here will recognize Lieutenant Alenko as 'my' lieutenant. Furthermore, I will not have my every action scrutinized and criticized."

At her words, Udina raised a hand and hissed through clenched teeth, "I do not wish to cause a scene so we will not discuss this further at the moment." In a more normal tone of voice he said, "I believe it is time for you to meet our host. Follow me and do keep up," turning on his heel to walk away.

Struggling to retain her calm, Shepard cast a quick glance at Kaidan and saw him make a face at Udina's back. It had the desired effect for she immediately felt her anger drain. He always knows how to make me feel better. Giving him a grateful smile, she mouthed the words, Thank you, before turning to follow the ambassador, Kaidan close at her side.

--

Making their way along one of the paths, the three soon emerged into the second clearing. The brief glimpse from earlier had not hinted at the spectacular area that they now found themselves in. Their present location at the apex, gave Shepard an appreciable view of the environment.  

To the left and right of her were numerous small tables, each set up under it's own softly lit parasol. Interspersed between the small tables were larger tables laden with sumptuous looking dishes of food, casually being picked over by the guests. Directly in front was a small stage with an area for dancing. Currently, the band occupying the stage was playing fashionable music softly in the background. But what truly captured the eye was the small lake beyond.   

In the center of the lake was a fountain that appeared to be surrounded by dozens of candles floating in the same exotic blooms as seen earlier.  Here and there, small alcoves, partially screened by flowering vines, extended into the water providing guests with a small measure of seclusion. Everywhere that the eye turned were splashes of color, the sparkling of lights, the shadows of lush foliage. No expense had been spared to make the guests feel as though they had been transported to an Eden-like world.

"Commander Shepard," a thin reedy voice intruded. "It is a pleasure to finally meet the hero of the Skyllian Blitz and, of course, saviour of our colony on Feros. I must say that the vids do not do justice to your beauty at all."

Shepard turned towards the sound of the voice, only to be confronted by a genial looking gentleman that was in the process of slowly looking her up and down with a lecherous grin on his face. She was reminded of the suspended C-Sec agent, Harkin, she recently had the misfortune of dealing with in Chora's Den. Biting back a stinging remark, she waited for Udina to begin the introductions.

"Mr. Antonius Gaverra, may I present to you, Commander Molly Shepard," the ambassador said. "Mr. Gaverra here is the Senior Vice President of ExoGeni Colonial Affairs and host of tonight's banquet."

Shepard held out her hand to be shaken, but instead found it being sloppily kissed by her host. "Please, call me Antonius," she heard him say. "It would be shameful to have such an exquisite creature refer to me so formally."

Fighting back a grimace, Shepard simply smiled sweetly at her host as she withdrew her hand. To do anything else ran the risk of her saying a few choice words regarding their host. At least with Harkin, she had been able to tell him exactly what she thought.       

Apparently happy at her reaction, Gaverra turned questioningly to Kaidan. "And this is Lieutenant Alenko," Udina provided.

"It is a pleasure," Kaidan answered stiffly, shaking Gaverra's hand.

"Hmm... Alenko? Were you not also present on Feros?" asked Gaverra.

"That is correct, sir."

"Splendid," replied Gaverra. "I hope that you too will consider this banquet a 'thank you'."

Ambassador Udina was pulling at her elbow. "My apologies Antonius. Commander Shepard must say hello to a few others. I am sure you understand. Naturally, she will be available to you later."

"Ah, well then," Gaverra said, eyes once again traveling over her form. "I will be waiting with anticipation for that pleasure."

She waited until Gaverra was out of ear shot before turning on Udina. "Ambassador," she began, barely controlled fury and disgust in her voice.

"I do not want to hear it Shepard," he interrupted, his voice stony. "Antonius Gaverra is an influential man. You are the guest of honor and you will put that charm of yours to good use. Also, you the first human Spectre. I hope that I do not have to remind you-"

"Ambassador Udina," Shepard interrupted, her eyes boring into him. "You will not remind me of my responsibilities. I am very aware of them. However, I am not sure that you remember your-"

"Commander, I think the Ambassador has other guests he needs to talk to," Kaidan interjected, trying to diffuse the situation. The tension between the ambassador and Shepard was reaching epic proportions.

Shepard continued glaring at Udina. Part of her desperately wanted to have it out with Udina, but another part, the saner part, was immeasurably grateful for Kaidan's intervention. For whatever reason, she was not able to reign herself in very well when it came to the ambassador.

"Yes, I believe you are correct, Lieutenant," came Udina's voice. "I will see you both later," he said walking away.

Without looking at anyone, Shepard walked over to the nearest table and sat down to collect herself. After a moment she heard Kaidan sit down beside her. What a mess. She glanced over at Kaiden. He was looking at her almost hesitantly, as if worried that he may have gone too far.

"You did the right thing," she told him finally. "I.. I can't seem to think rationally around Udina. It's like he brings out the worst in me. I appreciate it."

"I'm glad," he said, the relief evident in his voice

"I'm sorry Kaidan," she told him in a soft voice. "I was expecting that at worst we would be bored. Not that you would have to referee between me and Udina." I promise that I'll make it up to you. A mischievous gleam showed in her eyes. I can already think of a couple of ways.

"What was that, Shepard?" he asked, amusement tinging his voice.

Did I say that out loud?!

"Um... Did I say that..."

"Yeah, you did," he answered.

"Oh..." She could feel her face burning. Damn it! What is wrong with me? I need to be the responsible one.

"C'mon Shepard, forget about it," Kaidan said suddenly, standing up. "It's still early. Let's get some food and then walk around a bit. You can pretend to mingle. You never know, we could still have a good time."

--

She and Kaidan had barely taken a few bites of food, before Shepard noticed that Antonius Gaverra, standing by the stage, was waving her over. Sighing, she put down her fork and said to him, "I'm being called over by our host. You go on and eat. Otherwise, you'll weaken too much."   

"Ah, Commander," Gaverra said as she came up to him. "Thank you for joining me so quickly. I do apologize for pulling you away from your meal. It is time for me to make my speech and I must introduce my guest of honor to the other guests." He favored her with another one of his lecherous looks.

"Of course," she answered lightly, ignoring the unpleasant crawling sensation that had broken out all over her body.

Shepard took her place by Gavarra's side as he called for everyone's attention. She stood there with a faint smile on her face as he briefly described the attack on Feros and her subsequent involvement. She could hear the murmurs and whispers as people connected her face to her name.

"My dear guests," continued Gavarra, ignoring the hum. "It is now time to officially begin tonight's festivities. As you all are undoubtably aware, the start of the festivities traditionally begin with the host or hostess leading the guest of honor in a dance to music composed by one of the current recipients of Earth's World Music Awards. In honor of Commander Shepard, I have broken with tradition and chosen an Alliance hymn as our opening dance." He turned toward Shepard and offered his hand as the band began playing the first notes of the Marines Hymn.

In spite of the fact that Antonius Gaverra was mildly repulsive for his suggestive attitude towards her, Shepard couldn't help feeling more congenial towards him as he twirled her around the dance floor. For over 400 years, since the creation of the Marines Corps, new recruits had learned this song at boot camp. Of course, the hymn had been modified over the years, but it was still one of the most important bonds marines formed between themselves.

No doubt Kaidan was feeling a similar sentiment for he tapped Gaverra on the shoulder, asking for permission to cut in. Gaverra gave him what may have been a frown, but Shepard couldn't care enough to be concerned. She knew that it was only right that she and Kaidan have the opportunity to share together in what was essentially a song about them.

To Shepard's surprise, Kaidan formally bowed over hand before drawing her close and leading her into a complex and beautifully old fashioned dance. "Where did you learn to dance like this?" she asked him, as he gracefully spun her around the other dancing couples.

"My mom is a big fan of classical music and dancing. She insisted on teaching me and my brother to dance when we were kids," he answered, laughing at the memory. "God, we were so embarrassed by it. We swore each other to secrecy afraid that other kids would find out."; He gave her a tender smile and pulled her even closer. "I guess it paid off though," he murmured in her ear.

The warmth of Kaidan's embrace coupled with the emotions brought on by the music threatened to overwhelm Shepard. She could feel herself losing the fight to maintain distance from her feelings for her lieutenant. In an effort to gain some perspective she picked up the thread of their conversation. "And I thought that my mother was the only one. Except she didn't have time to teach me, so she sent me to dance classes."

"Really? I didn't think space ships had dance classes," he said.

"We weren't always in space. Sometimes we were stationed ground-side for a few months. You wouldn't believe some of the activities the bases came up with to try to keep us Alliance brats out of trouble while our parents were on tour," she said, chuckling. "Remind me to show you some pictures of the things I made in my 'Fun with Old Hardsuits and Used Ammo Casings' class."

"I'd like that."

The band played the ending notes of the hymn as Kaidan gave her a final spin. To her shock she heard the other guests begin to applaud. Looking around, she noticed that the other dancers had cleared a space for her and Kaidan and were now showing their appreciation of the pair's dancing.

"Lieutenant Alenko, I believe we made a good impression," she said as she curtsied to him, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I believe you are right Commander Shepard," he answered, bowing to her in return.

In a lower tone of voice, loud enough for only her to hear, he said with a resigned sigh, "I have a funny feeling that you're going to be right a lot."   

"Well... I am your CO, so... actually, no matter what, I will be right," she told him impishly as they moved away from the dance floor. The band had struck up another classical tune, but she felt that they had already drawn enough attention to themselves. She did not want to spoil her good mood by a lecture from Ambassador Udina.

--

The rest of the evening passed by enjoyably. She and Kaidan were both politically savvy enough to know that it would be best if they split up to circulate among the banquet guests. To their regret, the intent of this evening was to present the Alliance and Spectres in a favorable light, not to spend an evening concentrating on each other. Nonetheless, every once in a while, they would excuse themselves and share a dance or meet up at one of the alcoves surrounding the lake.

"You wouldn't believe the woman I was just talking to," he told her during one of their moments together. "She was complaining to me that the Alliance was negligent in responding to the concerns of humans. She filed a formal complaint against some turian, convinced that he had eaten her pet dog."

Shepard was almost in tears from holding in her laughter. Kaidan gave her an evil look before continuing. "The only thing I could do was tell her that I would look into it. And if you don't stop laughing, I'll tell her that I referred it to my commanding officer, Commander," he said archly.

"Oh don't Kaidan, please," she said breathlessly, the laughter finally having overcome her. "Or I swear you'll be on dishwasher duty for a month."

"There's no justice," he grumbled before succumbing and joining in her laughter.

"Don't worry Lieutenant," she said as they again parted ways. "We'll be leaving the Citadel soon and some other poor soul, one with no hope of escape, will have to take her complaints. You should feel lucky."  

--

The 'sky' in the Presidium was turning towards dawn as Shepard found herself sitting on a bench in the furthermost alcove, staring almost hypnotized at the spray of the fountain. Reveling in this solitary moment she took the time to examine her evening. Without a doubt she could consider it a success. The banquet's guests, including her host, had been left with a favorable opinion of her and the Spectres in general. Even Ambassador Udina had felt it prudent to leave her be. The only issue she felt uncomfortable with was with Kaidan.

No, not uncomfortable. Just... what? She and Kaidan had spent a great evening together, even if it didn't actually involve copious amounts of time in each other's presence. At times she had almost believed that they were like any other normal couple just coming to the realization that something special was happening between them.

It deeply unnerved her.

Barring the military tribunal for breach of protocol they would have to face, there was their mission. A mission that became more and more complicated and muddled as time went on. Saren and finding the conduit were her responsibility. She could not allow herself any distractions. She may have been too young and inexperienced at the time of the blitz, but since then she had trained hard to make sure that if there was a next time, it would be different.  

And now, in the deepest part of her heart, she believed that 'next time' had come around. Her greatest fear was that one or both of them would have their judgement clouded by emotions.

I need to create boundaries if this mission is going to have a chance to succeed.

The weight of something warm and heavy settling on her shoulders brought her back to the present. She lifted her eyes to Kaidan and smiled her thanks, while wrapping his cape more closely around herself.

"I had a good time tonight, but I guess the party's almost over," he observed, sitting down on the bench next to her. "A lot of people have gone home and we should probably go soon too. We can't have the CO oversleep and be late for departure," he teased.

"Very true. That would set a terrible and irreversable precedent. I'm only going to swing by my place to drop off these clothes and pick up my gear. I'll bunk on the Normandy. There's no way Joker will let me oversleep," she told him.

"I'll escort you back to your place then," he said getting up.

"No. Kaidan, wait a minute," she said pulling him by the arm to sit down again. "We need to talk first."

He let out a dejected sigh as he sat back down and said, "Yeah, I figured we'd have to. Let me just say one thing- It's completely your call.  Whatever you decide, I'll do. No comments, no hesitation. I just... I don't ...want to lose the chance at having something, when this is all over." The rawness in his voice made her heart twist.

"I don't want that either," she told him, "but for now we need to lay some ground rules."

He nodded his head in agreement.

"The mission will come first, no matter what, whenever we are on active duty. It doesn't matter whether we are on the Normandy or not. Our down time can be more relaxed, but I'd like to keep it at a casual level."

"So does that mean that I can't flirt with you anymore?" he asked gloomily.

"No, because I would really miss it too," she answered, softening her voice. She felt gratified as a cheerful look returned to his eyes. "But any flirting has to stay casual," she warned sternly.

"Aye aye, ma'am."

"Kaidan, I need to know that I can trust you to make decisions based on sound judgement and not emotion. Because that's what I'm going to be doing." Shepard watched him closely as he thought this over.

He turned towards her, making sure that she could see his seriousness. "You can trust me Commander. I won't let you down, ma'am."

"I know you won't Lieutenant," she told him soberly. "I do trust you."

Standing up, she gave him a smile and said, "I believe its time you took me home."

--

Kaidan insisted on walking her to her door, claiming that this is what a true gentleman would do. He needed to think of his reputation after all, he told her with a grin.

Feeling his eyes on the back of her neck as she fumbled to open the door with her pass card severely tested her earlier resolve. She wanted nothing more than to pull him inside. From the stiff way he was holding himself, she knew he felt the same.

Take a deep breath. Remember what you said. Remember who you are.

She couldn't resist, though, stepping up to kiss him on the cheek and whispering in his ear, "I promise you Kaidan, we will have time together," before quickly entering her apartment and letting the door close softly behind her.